Becoming a doula and learning what I have about birth throughout training has made me want to have another baby…hear me out. I’ve had five babies and I’ve closed that chapter in my life so I’ll start by assuring family & friends that we are NOT going to have another baby. It wouldn’t be possible even IF we were crazy enough to decide that… cough cough snip snip. HA! In all seriousness, we strongly feel our family is complete and we are not missing any members BUT, becoming a doula has put an ache in my heart and stomach to experience a truly physiological birth.

Each of my labors and deliveries were pretty much opposite of a physiological birth and I take full responsibility for that due to lack of knowledge and fear. I blindly followed the advice of my providers without any information or asking any questions. I subconsciously viewed birth as a medical condition that was inherently risky rather than a natural process that my body was CREATED to do. But unfortunately, I didn’t know any better.

To give a general overview of my births…All of my labors were either induced or augmented (sped up with interventions such as Pitocin or breaking of waters). Every labor I spent laying in a hospital bed rather than moving about to allow my pelvis to open. I truly believe that is why I was stuck in the second stage of labor (pushing) for 2-3 hours for my first two births. My second baby was delivered posterior. I nearly had ended up with a c-section due to lack of progress and nobody knew or told me that baby was not in the most favorable position for birth.

My third baby had a shoulder dystocia (shoulders got stuck in delivery) which led to more fear for my 4th & 5th births. I was so afraid of having a repeat shoulder dystocia I begged for an early induction for number 5. Don’t get me wrong, I am truly grateful for having 5 healthy deliveries and healthy babies, for that is what matters most to me, but I often wonder how different my births would have been if I knew what I know now.

This blog is not meant to make anyone who has had inductions, c sections, augmented labors or interventions feel shameful about their births. This is simply my reflection on how I feel about my own birthing experiences. As a doula, I vow to support my clients in whatever decisions they make regarding their births. The most important thing is that they are making INFORMED choices. If they make an informed choice to have an induction at 39 weeks because they are tired of being pregnant, I understand! I’ve been there and I support that. If my client wants to use natural pain relief methods for as long as possible but wants to have access to an epidural in-case they change their mind, I support that! If my client decides to schedule a c-section because they have weighed the risk and benefits of a c-section and they feel that is the best route for their baby and themselves, I support that too. The power of knowledge is so great.

Initially when becoming a doula, I felt a little bit like a fraud due to my birth history. I knew whole heartedly that I wanted to support other women through their pregnancies, births, and postpartum but as I began my training, I started to feel insecure about preaching the importance of evidence-informed choices for pregnancy and birth solely because I didn’t make evidence-informed choices for my own births. But here’s the thing… I never really knew I had choices; I didn’t know what a doula was and I didn’t know what questions to ask my providers so I just went along with whatever. While I regret that about my own experiences, I can help to make sure that the moms around me DO know these things.

I was called to help others feel safe and confident in their birthing experiences.

After a lot of reflection on my births and why I felt insecure about becoming a doula, I’ve realized that while I can’t go back, and I can’t have another baby to experience the birth I wish I could; I CAN empower other moms. I was called to help others feel safe and confident in their birthing experiences. I’ve realized just how much I was meant for this profession.

If you’ve read this far and you take anything away from this blog… let it be this. Birthing in a hospital, constrained to a bed, on a time-limit and at the mercy of your provider who may or may not talk through all of your choices and alternatives for interventions is not the only way to give birth. It is an OK way to give birth if that is what you are CHOOSING. But it is also ok to challenge one or all of those that don’t seem fitting to you. Seek out your options. Learn about all of your choices. Get educated on the types of interventions and what the risks and benefits of each one is. If it’s in your heart to have an unmedicated birth but you don’t know if you can, keep an open mind about pain relief methods… there are options outside of pharmaceutical ones. And I’m here to tell you that indeed, YOU CAN. You are a strong, capable woman who was meant to birth beautiful babies.

“It takes a village”

XOXO,

Katie